What’s the one thing that never changes, no matter where we are in the world? The need to go to the washroom. Sometimes even urgently. Travelling with young children just adds another level of desperation. One of the things that often changes? The types of toilets we could encounter. Same basic human need, so many variations.
Being a man definitely has its perks for navigating this particular issue. There isn’t always a McDonalds nearby for a quick pit stop; let alone finding a bathroom without a lineup. Depending on where you are, finding a spot to go is like playing Russian Roulette. What am I going to find? Will I find something? Anything? Am I going to pee my pants? Worse? All this pressure just adds stress to an already precariously hanging-on bladder.
The squatty potty, pit latrine, hole-in-the-ground toilet, pit toilet. You know the ones; two footrests, one on either side of a hole. The fancy ones are made of porcelain, the not so fancy ones have two rotting pieces of wood on either side of a dirt hole. You are lucky to get a door with either of them. A hook to hang your backpack? Dream on. Are your quads a little bit sore? Hahahaha. Too bad. But at least you found…something?
Believe it or not, these types of toilets are actually preferred by many cultures around the world. In a very modern mall in South Korea, the ladies’ bathroom had one wall of squatty potties, and the other had stalls of sit-down toilets. Both were pristine and shiny white – complete with doors and hooks. As I watched the public pick their poison, it was an even split. Huh.
On the flip side of this adventure are the toilets that are picture worthy because of how beautiful and unique they are. It is always a fun day when your spouse runs out of the bathroom, grabs the camera and runs back in, screaming along the way,” You gotta see this!!”
Jasper, Alberta | 2021
In one women’s bathroom at a restaurant in New York, I found plush, cushy couches and great lighting, with a lady behind a bar (yes, a bar!) serving you a glass of some gorgeous pink champagne. A lady attendant to take care of your needs – toothpaste? Yes, winterfresh or spearmint? Hairspray? Yes, aerosol or spray? Tampon? Of course, what size? Shoulder to cry on? Okay, maybe not. The toilets themselves? Perfect, but no longer the reason you are there.
Beauty of Essex, NYC | 2012
As I told my husband about it, off he ran to his bathroom portal. He came back with a look of disappointment – nothing special to report for his experience. I guess this is the one time in bathroom history that being a woman has the advantage.
We have done our business in all kinds of places, from behind a tree to a luxurious bathroom hanging off a cliff, from a questionable truck stop in a third world country to a palatial room in a real-life castle. We have learned that no matter where you are in the world, and as prepared as you may be, you don’t always know what is on the other side of that bathroom door. If you’re lucky, you are wearing appropriate shoes to manoeuvre those footrests, and if not, well, hopefully the situation is not so dire that you have time to figure out how to position yourself and your backpack to avoid errant puddles.
Best case scenario? There is a lovely lady waiting for you with a glass of champagne.
Beauty of Essex, NYC | 2015
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